The Great Elephant Trial

Prosecution

Please state your name for the jury

Witness

My name is Jerry Nicholson

Prosecution

Where did you last see the defendant – public enemy number one?

Defense

Objection, the question assumes facts not contained
In the evidence

Judge

The objection is not sustained
There is a saying that you probably interpreted totally incorrectly
Which is – when you assume you make an ass out of you and me
Democrats are donkeys, and he surely isn’t turning commie
So your objection is invalid. Too bad. Go cry to your mommy.

Witness

I saw him a few months ago at my store

Prosecution

Do you know what he was in there for?

Witness

He wanted poison, either strychnine or arsenic

Prosecution

Why did he want what can make one morbidly sick?

Witness He said that he needed to deal with a problem with rats

Prosecution

Like human rats? The murder victims? Could he have meant that?

Defense

Objection, your honor, the question is leading.

Judge

I think you need a band-aid, your liberal heart is bleeding
We need more leadership from those with national pride
Like the counsel for the prosecution – objection denied

Witness

Yes, I think he meant that. What you said is true

Prosecution

I have no further questions to ask of you


Judge

The counsel for the defense is not permitted to rise
Because he holds beliefs that I completely despise

Defense

That’s bullshit! I’m sure he does nothing but lie
I could’ve proved it by asking the color of the sky

Judge

First of all, that is no way to swear
f you want to say something’s unfair
Some much more appropriate expletives to use
Are communism and French – and since Elephant News
Is all I care to watch and it does not wait for me
I intend to get back home as soon as can be
And if you think that I am going to permit you to prolong
This trial by discrediting a witness, you are totally wrong
Now someone please make sure the defense attorney can’t speak
Since he’s offended me today more than enough for a week
(The counsel for the defense in dragged
Into a corner and bound and gagged
While the judge takes a call on his cellular phone
Which pleases him for reasons that shall be shown)