A Different Sort of Jail

The journey to prison appeared to be planned to cause pain
With endless Toby Keith songs irritating any sensible brain
And a moving floor in the van eliminated kinetic control
We constantly crashed into each other and a hard metal pole
When we arrived, no one was in any shape
To resist the guards, let alone try to escape

As far as prisons go, this one looked rather odd
We were marched past tennis courts to a residential quad
Each of us went in a different building through the door
Tired from the trip, I trudged up stairs to the third floor
My room had five inside at the time, and it was built for four
Before the week was done, we’d have to squeeze in two more

We had very little drawer space and very little clothing
And little room to breathe which is a recipe for loathing
Between those whose compatibility you’d otherwise admire
The three young women in the suite drove tensions even higher
Our meals were served in a little kitchen in the hall
We all lost a bit of weight since the portions were small
Which many thought was the best thing about our stay
In this prison where we left the hall for two hours per day
Half of that was spent in a room where academic information
Had been replaced by totalitarian-style indoctrination
Those who didn't cooperate with the lecture were denied
The little free time the next day we were granted outside

Some nights they would give us excessive amounts of booze
Since they knew we had minds that they wished we’d lose
With nothing much else we could do, of course
We repeatedly accepted their Trojan Horse
The details of what followed I’d rather not tell
But it’s an understatement to say things didn’t go well

Looking back on it, I’m actually fairly thrilled
That of my seven roommates, nobody was killed
Intra-suite relations were failing catastrophically
In the third month when we heard the Caliph set us free
Since was there a Caliph? At that point I didn’t care
As long as someone gave the order to get me out of there

But I had nothing – It was taken away after the trial
At least my parents let me stay with them for a while
After a few days a message from Nick was electronically dispatched
To me saying that I could pick up Samantha with no strings attached

I left the next day, and this time around
I was much better prepared for the trek underground
Nick gave me a deed to a European House and a scroll
And I was finally re-united with my other half – I felt whole
We hugged and kissed and laughed and cried
The train door opened and we stepped inside
Speechless, I opened the scroll and read
As we traveled – this is what it said: