The Rap of Khan

As I ate the next morning I was not any calmer
Afraid I’d go on stage and be a harmless kind of bomber,
I thought about my opponent – although he wasn’t feared
For his words he could’ve improved that skill through the years
And to successfully lead an army such as the Golden Horde
His mind would’ve had to be about as sharp as his sword
And like old Greek Nick his mind was probably still intact
Against me the odds started seeming more and more stacked
Besides that, his battle results were very repetitive
As in won by a lot – which means he was competitive
Which probably hadn’t changed, and if I was declared the victor
I could see him making my remains a far from pretty picture
Speaking of pictures, then I looked at the large
One as in Genghis was no longer in charge
So I would be safe for the duration of the competition
I finished preparation and concentrated on my mission

The time came to compete, and I got my first look
At mister Khan, who was smaller than history books
Made him out to be – aging was partly to blame
Also memory gave him stature to match with his name
At five-eight and balding he still looked intimidating
I wished he would start already, right then I hated waiting
Then the beat started playing, and the battle was on
And this was the first verse of the rap of Khan:


My horde is golden
I’ve gored some bold men
Great powers have cowered when my crew rolled in
The greatest fighter in the time that I fought
No other warrior caused the destruction I wrought
Though many have sought the success that I sought
I won like the Huns while most other guys lost
In enemy armies there was a high human lives cost
After we stole their gold my army and I tossed
Those lost souls into holes and then I bossed
The survivors around since I was their new King
First I made them give me all of their bling
And then I would often make them dance and sing
I did all of that because I am awesome
I can do that and you can’t that’s why you’ve lost, son.

That was too good for comfort, considering I
Just had five minutes to craft a reply
So the background music started playing
And this is what I heard myself saying:

I’m bored and sleepy
How do you expect to keep me
Awake reciting pages from history
And I bet your memory is pretty blurry
I bet you don’t remember your past so you decided to look
It up in some sort of history book
And that’s in the past so what have you done
In the present time that’s any use or any fun
You’ve done nothing while I’ve been living
You’ve been taking while I’ve been giving
All I could to support who I needed to support
And if you don’t believe me I could back it up in court