The Elephant News Channel

When we got into the station, I couldn’t really walk
The chief asked what was wrong and they said I wouldn’t talk
He asked about Miranda, and then he began to understand
The source of confusion and put his head in his hands

The chief asked the more intellectual of the two
(Which is like calling a stump tall – compared to a shoe)
If he remembered the channel of this news source
He said a hundred seventy-six, and the chief said “Of course,
Sometime this week I read an article about it in Newsday
When the network first launched – I think it was Tuesday
A struggling station was up for sale, and a twenty-two year old kid
Had just inherited a fortune, which he used for the winning bid
He called his station Elephant News, after the symbol of the GOP
And gave his station the motto ‘News as it should be’
Which means the truth is distorted and often completely neglected
And as an officer of the law, I am unable to respect it
It should be a crime to be that kind of liar
The next one to dare act based on what he saw there will be fired.”

Relieved since the police chief seemed to be on my side
I pleaded to be freed but my request was denied
He said that the gravity of my alleged offense
Was so great that my captors’ incompetence
Wasn’t enough to let me off the hook quite yet
And I had no chance of bail since I was deemed a flight threat
But since my captors put me through unnecessary hell
I’d be given a notebook and TV in my cell
But no phone or computer or radio. Oh well.