Miracles

Lazarus’ resurrection was a simple endeavor –
He borrowed the sphere that let TIFKAA live forever
Apart from this, the sphere was also used for
Healing lepers and others that Jesus would cure

Turning water into wine wasn’t something Jesus did –
The task was performed by Hermes’ grandkid
Who quickly switched the drinks as everyone looked away
To watch Jesus who danced around and pretended to pray

The feeding of the five thousand was done
By a wizard with wheat who was also my son
Due to his grandmother’s fateful lateness
He had a family tradition of food-related greatness

As for the walking on water I allowed him to use
Pieces from the old cloak to make invisible floating shoes
Then TIFKAA asked for his sphere back in a rage
Since he couldn’t get back the two years that he’d aged

He didn’t want the man he called “son” to be lost
But losing his own life was too steep a cost
So they made a deal, and Jesus said “I will
Do what I can to quickly get myself killed
In exchange I’ll share the sphere up above
And do what I can to help this world I love”
So Jesus angered lots of people and got crucified
And was revived and brought up to a peak in the sky
But soon to go below Earth J.C. was imploring
Because life with TIFKAA was unbearably boring

While the message wasn't quite what Jesus had said
He was glad that his basic ideas were being spread
Although he didn’t fully agree with the teachings of Paul
Someone saying something similar was better than nothing at all
At least it gave people an opportunity for change
From ritualistic Roman religious cults that were rather strange
And he approved of the precedent, since Jesus said that he’d hate it
If nobody modified his teachings after they became outdated