Embarrassing The Witness

Defense

Do you do anything significant outside of your job, please
Inform the court if you have any interesting hobbies

Witness

There is a local Christian Rock band for which I play guitar
We’ve been touring the circuit for about fifteen years so far

Defense

That’s well and good, but is there something else you choose
To do that could’ve landed you on the Six ‘O Clock news?

Witness

Are you referring to news on TV? I don’t own one of those
You never know when Satan will use them to impose
His views on the weak and unsuspecting and convert them to his cause
I’ll boycott it until there are strong anti-secular programming laws

Defense

A few months ago I saw someone who looked just like you
On the news attempting a totally unnecessary rescue
While interrupting the filming of a music video
Did you do something like that? Do you know?

Witness

I answered a call of distress. How was I supposed to know that?
It was dishonest when TV is something that I do not look at?
Music videos weren’t something that Jesus paid heed to
Considering who I am, why should I need to?

Defense

I do not buy your argument, since there isn’t any good
Evidence that Jesus wouldn’t have watched MTV if he could
Are you equating yourself with Jesus, whose worshippers are quite ample?

Witness

I know he was much better than me, but I try to live by his example

Defense

Does that include being a ridiculous sight to behold?
Trying to act on fantasies for which you’re too old?

Witness (Sighs)

I guess… I suppose not

Defense

Your honor, those are all the questions I have got.