The End of The Day

Witness

He had a party in his apartment one December night
Everyone on the floor but me received an invite
He said it was an accident when I confronted him later
But I believe that he was jealous and being a player-hater

Prosecution

What do you think could have caused such jealousy?

Witness

First off all, I’m awesome. And his girl wanted me

Prosecution

Is Samantha Wilson, the murder victim, the one to whom you refer?

Witness

Of course. Who could I possibly mean except for her?
Unfortunately, she and I never got to do
Much together, but I knew she wanted to

Prosecution

Is there any proof of that last statement you’d like to share?

Witness

Yes, I was helping the defendant remove adware and spyware
And I finished, and Samantha thanked me as I walked through the door
And said she felt quite fortunate that we lived on the same floor
And said that if in the future a woman can manage to succeed
In getting me to settle down, that lady would by lucky indeed
And then in my awesome mind, I felt a thought occur:
Samantha secretly wished that the lady would be her

Prosecution

Were you afraid of his envy causing murderous violence?

Witness

That is as ridiculous as asking me to take a vow of silence
He’s about as threatening as the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
And even if he got really mad, I would have no reason to be afraid
I’m so awesome that no one could ever hurt me without a gun
And in the building that we live in, you’re not allowed to have one

Prosecution

In what kind of hippie building do you reside
In which your second amendment rights are denied?

Defense

The question is irrelevant, so I must complain

Judge

I concur with your objection; it is sustained

Prosecution

I think I duly warned you not to disrespect me any more
Mr. Fratello, have you heard that you need to watch out for
The quiet ones?

Witness

The truthful answer is yes

Prosecution

No further questions, your dishonorableness

Judge

I’ll chalk up the previous statement up to frustration
And allow the defense to conduct cross-examination




Defense

Is it not true that it hurts your credibility
To be a grown man saying “awesome” so frequently?

Prosecution

I must object now, just as I surely shall later
Since the attorney for the defense is a freedom hater

Judge

The objection is invalid, so the witness must reply

Witness

Age doesn’t inhibit speech for those as awesome as I

Defense

If you were on the jury instead of the witness stand at this time
Do you think you’d declare the defendant guilty of any crime?

Prosecution

Objection once again. This question shows a stance
Of favoritism toward the so-called nation of France

Judge

I object to the counsel acting like a fool
His objection is invalid, and overruled

Witness

I would be an awesome juror, and now I’d say no

Defense

I have no further questions

Judge

You are all free to go
We will reconvene at nine AM. It wouldn’t happen, but
The concept of a mistrial was wiped out with a tax cut